Bleeding Hearts Shed No Tears
by Maibe Josie
Summary: AU Challenge Fic. Ellie confronts Craig about his drug problem. Mature Content.
1. He loves you

**Disclaimer: Degrassi is NOT mine. Characters and such belong to Epitome Pictures Inc. and Canada (the-n doesn't deserve Degrassi, they abuse it too much)**

This is an AU fic, based on an idea I'd received from a friend after a discussion about General Hospital and the infamous Luke and Laura. Not to compare Ellie and Craig to Luke and Laura or anything like that (they are dog crap compared to ABC's super couple). But this is more or less based off the idea that despite Luke raping Laura, she still loved him, and he still went on to become and amazingly favorite character of the show's fans. So the request in general was that I try and portray a usually well loved character in such a horribly violent way, that could still be a well loved character by others on the show as well as the fans...this is my attempt...

The beginning is the scene from WIFLTBAG (2), but then slips into AU after the infamous Crellie kiss. This will not be a multi-chapter, this is a side project (I'm still working on Reprise, and that's my main focus). This will be 3 Chapters total, they're already planned out, and just need to be written. To my regular readers: new chapter for Reprise next week, it's already at a good 10K words so get ready for a long read.

-MJ

* * *

_Soaked all the way through with remorse and regret  
Fire to purify my soul and blood to replenish it  
I search in hopes of completion to justify my love for you  
Nothing ever ends where our souls begin_

Atreyu "Bleeding Hearts Shed No Tears"

Ellie was fuming. Anger and worry had flushed her skin the color of her hair as she pushed through the crowd to get back stage instead of enjoying the show she'd later have to report on. Tonight was his last chance, his last swing up at bat and if he missed, that was it, strike three. He'd be out. Trust was already broken, he'd already lied and she'd already fallen for it. To her, him lying was like slowly breaking apart the friendship she'd worked so hard to keep despite her feelings and it only seemed to push her further away. This was not something she or he needed. She showed her press pass to the bouncer, ignoring the band on stage and making a beeline to the dressing room where she knew he'd be. The music began to fade through the walls as she opened the door and slammed it shut. She stared at his reflection.

Craig looked up into the mirror to see Ellie walking into the room behind him. She was obviously angry and upset, "Ellie, hi…about group therapy listen…uh something came up," he said. She made a straight race for his bag and started looking through pockets and it's contents until she found what she was looking for. Ellie shook her head ignoring him as he pleaded for her to respond, "hey!" he called out as she went through his stuff, "hey! What are you doing?"

She turned around and held up the baggie of cocaine, "either you stop now, or I call Joey and tell him about this." She looked around, and back at him, as his eyes and thoughts focused on the baggie of white powder while he tried to pay attention to her words, "And this? This will all end, the touring, the music career, finished."  
"Come on…Why would you do that to me?" he said. Ellie looked at him, "just leave me alone."

"I can't," she answered, scared of him asking her to say it, to say what's been on her mind since the summer they spent together in group therapy, getting closer, understanding the darker parts of each other's minds.

"Why not," he asked, hoping, praying, and wishing he could get her to understand why he needed the drugs.

"Because," she answered simply.

"Because why?" he turned back to face her. He knew, he always knew. And he always knew that she'd do anything for the people in her life that she loved and cared deeply about.

"You know why! Craig, you know so don't make me say it," she looked down at her feet, afraid to look up, afraid of what he'd say, of what he'd do.

Craig looked at her, he wasn't sure if it was his need for the cocaine or the lust from the last line he'd snorted before she walked into the room, but his blood was pumping, and he felt high as a kite as he rushed over, and grabbed her around the waist and brought his lips to hers and passionately kissed her. She responded with a smile, he responded with lust. "I love you, Ellie," he said blankly. There was no emotion, but it didn't come off that way to Ellie, she'd been dying to hear those words from someone, anyone since the day Sean said he loved her and left her.

" I love you, too," she said between smiles.

"So don't make me stop," he said, "Please, I need it,…don't call Joey."

Ellie pushed him away, "You bastard,"

"Ellie come on," he said feeling his moods beginning to sway. He hadn't been on his lithium in what seemed like months, and the high he was on was pushing him into a manic state, "You don't understand Ellie."

"Like hell I don't understand," she argued, "in case you've forgotten I know what it's like to be addicted."

"I'm not addicted," he said angrily, "I can stop, I just don't want to!"

Ellie rolled her eyes, "screw you Craig…" she said and began walking out of the room when he grabbed her by the wrist, where skin had been welted and raw from snapping a rubber band, because of him, because of worry. He pulled her closer to him and stared down at her. "Let me go, Craig," she said sadly, looking down at her feet.

" I love you," he said, hoping that if he kept repeating it, he'd get a free pass in life, a get out of jail free card, and pass go, all on one turn around the board. He leaned down and pressed his lips tightly against hers.

"Craig, stop," she insisted.

He ignored her and kept a tight grasp on her wrists, and wrapped another arm around her waist and pulled her closer as he bit roughly on her lips and tugged away before burying his head into her strawberry red hair, breathing in her scent. He held her close and rubbed her back as she struggled to get away from him in such a state.

"Craig, let me go," she begged, as she realized how intimate his intentions were progressing and brought her hands up to his chest and tried to push him away. This was not how she saw things going when she heard him first confess to loving her, this was not love. This was not the Craig she'd known, this was something new. He held her tightly as she continued to struggled against him, his mind was focused on one thing, and ignored everything else, the words she struggled to speak as he caressed her back.

Touching her was unlike touching Manny or Ashley when they'd made love. They never struggled against him, but the fight she was putting up drove his hormones into overdrive. It was an unstable mix of testosterone and an unhealthy high, fueled by the fact and idea that cocaine was the only love in his life at the moment. Manny had left him. He nibbled on Ellie's ear and waited for her to give into his advances. To Ashley, being bipolar almost made him damaged goods. He ran his hands down her back and roughly grabbed her rear and gave it a squeeze. But Ellie said she'd loved him, why was she trying to get away.

Ellie was sobbing as she realized she was getting something she always wanted, but not in the way she'd envisioned as one of Craig's hands ran up her shirt and the other struggled to get into the seat of her jeans. "Craig, please…." She begged. She hadn't been touched like this by many. She'd been with Sean, and was with Jesse, had kissed Marco, but this…this was something she wanted, but struggled against. She wanted this moment, to be something special, but this felt like anything but. She closed her eyes tightly and thought of the men in her life that left a loving touch on her skin, she struggled to remember Sean's hands when they used to gently trace the scars on her body, or Jesse's lips when he'd kiss her passionately, even the way Marco hugged her, anything to forget the way Craig was touching her.

Craig ignored her sobs and tried to kiss her again, but she turned her head. She continued to try and push herself away, turning around in his arms, she twisted to kick start her legs to run away from him. Craig grabbed her roughly around the waist and pushed her up against the table his bag had been on, and forcefully ran his hands up her shirt and grasped at her chest. She could feel his erection pressing through his jeans and against her rear.

Ellie sobbed harder, continuing to fight against him. She could feel his grasps leaving bruises on her pale skin, as she braced her hands against the table top and tried to push herself away but Craig pressed all his weight against her, pinning her to the table. Ellie cried, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Get off me," she managed to try and scream out, maybe if she was louder someone would hear her, but she remembered the show going on just outside the door. She could still hear Taking Back Sunday performing their set, and dropped her weight to the table. Fighting had become useless, she'd just given up.

Craig kissed her neck, and held her tightly with one arm as he unzipped his jeans and then struggled to get into hers as well, she struggled slightly but she eventually again gave up. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to think of someone else, not this monster in the room with her, pressuring her. She felt his cold hands reach into her jeans, she felt him smirk into her skin as she realized her body had betrayed her.

"I love you," he repeated. Ellie wasn't sure if he ever really meant it, or if he was subconsciously making love to his drugs. She felt the tears running down his cheeks as he forced himself into her. She felt horribly dirty as she allowed him to penetrate her over and over. She couldn't fight him anymore as she felt his hand on her back forcing her bend over the table. He braced his hand against the table, reached the other around in a feeble attempt to pleasure her. But she found nothing pleasurable in the situation. Her body was reacting but her mind was far from the situation. She felt him pull out and finish, and he backed away.

All the weight that had pressed her into the table was gone and she slipped to the ground in a fit of sobs as he zipped up his pants and looked down at her lustfully. There was a look in his eyes that she didn't recognize. This wasn't Craig. The Craig she knew didn't hurt others, or do drugs. She grabbed onto the table and pulled herself to her feet, and pulled up her jeans and walked to the door, as Craig grabbed his guitar, "I love you," he said as he inched closer to her and kissed her chastely on the cheek, she felt her skin burn at his touch, and rushed from the room quickly.

Ellie didn't even bother to stay for the rest of the show, or finish her interview with the band from earlier. She just wanted to get home, to get clean. She felt empty, and snapped her rubber band against her skin, but it did nothing, she felt numb to its sting. As she walked up the steps to the home she rented with Marco and Dylan she fumbled to get the keys in the door without crying hysterically. The house was dark, Marco and Dylan weren't home and she climbed the stairs to the bathroom turned on the shower waiting for the water to get scolding hot and stripped off her clothes. She looked at herself in the mirror, her hair disheveled and her skin marked with bruises, and welts from the rubber band. She noticed the hand shaped bruises on her wrists and the bruises on her waist, from where he'd held and pinned her against the table. Despite the incredible display of violence he pressured onto her, she still loved him, she still cared. The man in that dressing room was not the man she loved; he'd been nothing more than a shell of a man, a man high on drugs. She tried to rationalize the situation, telling herself he did care, he did love her, he'd only hurt her because of the drugs. She opened the medicine cabinet and fumbled through it, looking for a razor, a pair of scissors, anything sharp. She found a disposable shaving razor and removed the razor blade from the plastic casing and climbed into the shower.

The water burned away the scent of him, and washed away the dirt she felt herself covered in. But through out it all, the pain and hurt he should have made her feel was not visible, she wanted to feel it, to know she was alive. She brought the razor to her thigh and dragged it across quickly, watching as it took a few seconds for blood to seep to the surface and stung as the hot water hit it. She felt hot tears streaming down her face as she struggled to forget the night. He loved her, or at least he said he did, and it was almost worth the fifteen minutes of pain he'd inflicted, just to hear those words, or at least that's what she'd rationalized herself to think.


	2. He love you, not

_Nothing can save me from myself  
You keep me safe  
Resurrecting my love  
An angel like you  
Can never fall  
Heaven i found  
Right in my arms_

Atreyu "Bleeding Hearts Shed No Tears"

* * *

She sat on her bed, dressed in a towel gently grazing her fingertips over her fresh cuts. Ellie felt no guilt for rekindling her friendship with her coping mechanism. The air stung her cuts as she poked and prodded at them, trying to squeeze out any pain she could from their life. She crawled to the edge of her bed and reached for her cell phone. This was going to be the hardest thing she's ever had to do. She dialed a number she faintly knew by heart and held her breath as her heard the internal ringing on through her phone.

"Jeremiah residence," she heard a voice say.

"Joey" she sighed into the phone, "It's Ellie, Ellie Nash," she said quietly. Though she spent plenty of time with Craig at Joey's she never really felt like part of the family like she'd seen Ashley experience.

"Ellie? Is everything okay?" he asked, knowing that Craig had swept into town.

Ellie shook her head, "no, not really, it's about Craig"

"Is he okay?"

Ellie choked back a sob as she thought about the way he'd groped and used her the night before. "Not really, he's really in over his head," she mentioned trying to regain composure, as she tried to explain her friend's drastic love affair with cocaine, "he's…"

"He's what?" she heard Joey ask, his voice full of the utmost concern for his stepson.

Ellie let a tear slip down her cheek, "he's been doing coke," she said, trying her best not to think about how he seemed to love his white nose candy more than her.

Joey was stunned silent for a moment, "are you absolutely sure?" he asked.

"Why would I lie about something like this?" she asked, "I've been trying to help, he skipped out on group, and last night…he…he chose his drugs over a friend." She was beginning to feel anger rise up like the bile in her throat as she continued to feel Craig's hands all over her, leaving bruises.

"Okay, Okay…"Joey said frantically, "we can help him, we can…" Ellie sighed as she listened to Joey run through how get Craig the help he needs. "Ellie…?" he said as he heard nothing but silence on her end of the call. "He's going to be alright," he said reassuringly. Ellie was sure that Craig would be fine, she just wasn't so sure about herself. "I'm going to make a few calls," Joey said. "I'll keep you updated."

Ellie nodded as she heard Joey promise to keep her involved, "okay," she said meekly.

"Keep your head up, you did great," he said referring to the call to get Craig help, and all her prior attempts.

The redhead looked down at her leg, "yea," she said softly before she heard Joey mutter a goodbye and the click of the phone hanging up on the other end. She laid her head down on the pillow, her wet hair moistening the fabric as she fell asleep. She struggled to not dream in her slumber. She could feel the whole night replaying in her sleep, and she jolted awake. Glancing at her clock she noticed that despite her dreams she'd slept through the night and rolled out of bed, still wearing her towel.

Wiping her eyes she walked over to her dresser, holding her towel up as she grabbed a pair of panties from her top drawer and slipped them on under the towel. She tugged on a pair of tight, torn jeans, cringing as the rough denim brushed against her cuts from the night before. Tossing the towel aside she fumbled through her drawers layering on a long sleeved shirt under a flimsy tank top.

Ellie walked down the hall and into the bathroom, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. The bags under her eyes begged to be covered and her hair was a mess of waves and red curls as she pulled it into a mess ponytail. She reached for some make up and tried her damnedest to cover the dark circles under her eyes before rushing out the door with her bag.

The entire walk to campus had her mind reeling. How could she let last night happen? She insisted to herself that she could have fought harder. Her body fought with her mind to never see Craig again, and in the process her heart was breaking. The continuing thought in her mind was that this _high as a kite_ version of Craig was not the young man she knew, the one she risked her heart's happiness on. This was some…Ellie shook her head, this was someone else completely.

Ellie walked into the newspaper office and threw herself at her desk, and into her work. She dug through her bag and pulled out her notes from her interviews and struggled to think about what she could remember of the set Taking Back Sunday had played to try and write her article.

"Hey Frosh." Ellie jumped in her chair, and looked up at Jesse, who's face bore a look of concern as she jumped at his voice. "You okay?" he asked as he saw through her mask. Ellie nodded and remained quiet and tapped her pen against the pad of paper she had on her desk, nervously. He furrowed his brow, and sat onto her desk. "You sure?"

Ellie set her pen down on the pad of paper, "I'm sure," she snapped, and immediately apologized. Jesse walked over to the office door and shut and locked it, Ellie shook slightly in her seat as the idea of being in close proximity to a man in a private space was not on her list of things to do. She looked up as Jesse looked down at her worriedly.

"tell me the truth," he beckoned.

"It's Craig…" she said.

Jesse fumed at the mention of his name, "and what did the little rock star do now?" he folded his arms across his chest and leaned against her desk.

"you were right," she said angrily, as she fought back tears, "you were right, are you happy now?"

"Why on earth would that make me happy?" Jesse asked and frowned as Ellie's eyes started to water, and she wiped them quickly, smearing her make up. "What happened?"

"He used me…" she said simply, "didn't want me to tell anyone about his problem." Jesse watched as she snapped the rubber band around her wrist against her skin. "I tried to help, I did, and he just blew me off when I suggested he come to group with me."

"Group?" Jesse asked.

Ellie snapped the rubber band again, "there's a lot you don't understand," she insisted.

"You care to explain?" he asked.

"Craig and I…we have problems." She alluded to her cutting and Craig's bipolar disorder.

"what kind of problems Ellie?"

"I **cut **myself," Ellie said simply. "You feel better?" Ellie asked, "I **cut** myself, your little Frosh is crazy."

"You think I care about that?" Jesse asked, "You think I didn't notice the scars every time you wore a short sleeved shirt?"

"You…you knew?" she asked softly, "you knew!" she shouted standing up and slapping him in the chest.

"So what if I did?" he asked. "There's more to this than you're telling me." Jesse grabbed her wrists to keep her from slapping him and dropped them as he saw the bruises. "What happened last night?"

"Craig was high," she told him, turning away, "and he's bipolar…I don't think he's been on his meds in months."

"Ellie did he hurt you?"

"He said he loved me."

"Ellie."

Ellie turned around, "he said he loved me, and he doesn't." She looked up at Jesse, "that's enough hurt for me to handle." She couldn't tell him about everything else that happened that night, she wouldn't. He didn't need to know. Jesse opened his arms and she felt into them.

He could feel her sobbing into his chest. He wouldn't tell her about his bar girl. Not at a moment like this. He had every intention of rubbing Craig's behavior in her face but to see her like this made him regret ever wanting to cause her anymore pain. Ellie cringed against him as he rubbed her back, she closed her eyes tightly trying to remember that this wasn't Craig, this was Jesse. He held her tighter, "I love you," he said softly, gently kissing her forehead.

Ellie failed to believe those words, because for the moment hearing those three words left a bitter taste in her mouth. Those three little words were tainted to her. Anyone that's ever said them has hurt her in one way or another. Her father, rarely home; her mother, cared more about the bottle; Sean, left her; Craig…she frowned as she thought about the way he'd treated her the night before. It was only a matter of time before Jesse would hurt her, and again taint those worse…only a matter of time.

Ellie pulled away, and wiped her eyes, "I have to go," she said, as she felt her cell phone vibrating in her pocket. Jesse watched as she grabbed her bag, unlocked the office door and walked out.

"Hullo" she said answering her phone.

"Ellie, it's Joey, I've got Craig on a flight…he'll be closer to me, we're sending him to a rehab center."

Ellie smiled hopefully, "I hope everything works out for him."

"I have Snake—er Mr. Simpson," he corrected, "taking him to the airport, he's going to be fine Ellie."

Ellie smiled, "good."

"he's flying out tomorrow around one…if you want to see him off."

"I'll think about it…" she said cautiously, "but he really hurt me a lot last night."

"Ellie, just remember, it was the drugs," Joey reminded her. "He wasn't himself."

"I know," she said weakly, "I'm gunna head to class," she lied.

"alright, well…thank you Ellie, for telling me, I know you must think he hates you, but he'll come around."

Ellie sighed, "I'm sure," she said, "bye Joey," she hung up her phone. She wasn't in the mood for class. She really wasn't in the mood for anything, and began to walk out of the building and off campus.

Slumping into a booth at the Dot she cupped her hands around a hot cup of coffee and brought it to her lips letting it burn her throat as she swallowed. She picked like a bird at a glazed donut, not really interested in eating. She barely noticed as a figure slipped into the booth. She looked up as she felt a pair of eyes on her. "hey stranger," she said monotonously.

Sean looked at her, she looked, "you look terrible," he mentioned to her.

"Oh thanks," she said rolling her eyes, "the first words you speak to me since you get back into town and it's _you look terrible_."

"Sorry," he muttered, "you okay?"

"Why does everyone feel the need to ask me that?" she said setting down the coffee cup before snapping the rubber band against her skin. It was still doing nothing for her, she still felt numb.

"Maybe because you're doing that?" he motioned to her subconscious snapping of the rubber band against her skin. He caught sight of bruises around her wrist, he reached across the table and gently took her wrists, "what the hell happened?" he asked.

"Nothing," she argued, "since when does what happens to me matter to you?"

Sean glared at her from across the table, "well right now it does."

"Care about me when you decide to act like your old self and not some…programmed lap dog," she said referring to his relationship with Emma. She slid out from the booth and left a few dollars on the table before walking out of the small diner and back home. She suddenly felt sick and tired of the world, and just wanted to crawl back into bed.

Ellie had been lying in bed for a few hours when she heard voices, "is she here?" she heard. She sat up, struggling to recognize the voice but she came up empty. "Marco, I know she's here."

She heard Marco's low voice tell the person in question that, "she's not feeling well, she's been in bed since noon." Ellie looked over at her clock and noticed it read six in the evening.

"Ellie!" a voice called out, as she heard footsteps down the hall. "Ellie?" the voice asked softly as the door opened slowly. "Hey Frosh," he muttered softly as he walked over to her bed, "you alright?" he asked.

Ellie felt his weight on the edge of her bed and she sat up pulling down the covers. She looked over at Jesse and frowned, "I'm fine," she argued for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"You wanna go out, catch a movie?" he asked, hoping he could coax her out of bed.

"Not really," she muttered, trying to pull the covers back up over her head, "I just want to stay in bed."

"Can I stay in bed with you?" he smirked. Ellie wanted to giggle and let him crawl into bed with her but she felt sick to her stomach at the thought of being intimate, with anyone after the night before.

She knew it'd seem odd if she changed her normal demeanor over nothing, she sighed and lifted the covers as Jesse kicked off his shows and crawled under the covers with her, holding her close, gently kissing her neck as she squirmed but gave into his advances. She felt dirty as he ran his fingers gently over her skin, much different from the rough advances Craig had subdued her with the night before. But the feelings of the night before were still there, she just felt completely numb as she reacted to Jesse's touches.

* * *

**A/N: **One more part, and then it's finished. Like I said, it's a side challenge project, and the person who challenged me is already happy with it. So am I, to be frank. Basically the 


	3. she loves him, not anymore

_After all that has transpired  
After all thats taken place  
After all the stab wounds  
And just just before my death  
I rise phoenix like a new  
From the still burning ashes  
Of false hearts lies  
To fly once again  
To shine from within_

Atreyu "Bleeding Hearts Shed No Tears"

* * *

Ellie sat at the kitchen table picking at a plate of soggy eggs and burnt toast. She never was much a cook, she should have let Marco cook her breakfast like he offered. Jesse had left about an hour before, he spent the whole night holding on to her and playing with her hair, gently kissing her lips and neck, but she hadn't been whole heartedly into it. She stabbed her piece of burnt toast with her fork. Craig was leaving today, goodness knows when she'd see him again, but part of her didn't want to see him ever again. He'd already caused too much trouble for too many people. 

She felt horrible for the way she treated Manny, when all the younger girl did was care, until things got too tough for her to physically do it anymore. Ashley had done the same thing. Craig was just an overwhelming personality to love. "I could do it," Ellie said softly to herself, she could do it, after all, she had loved her mother.

Ellie lifted the fork and took a bite of her burnt toast, chewed and swallowed. It was as if the horrible taste of burnt cold toast did nothing to her taste buds. Marco walked into the kitchen, and stared at Ellie as she ignored the taste of the blackened toast. "You okay?" he asked, walking over to the refrigerator and grabbing the orange juice.

"Craig's leaving today." Ellie poked at her soggy eggs.

Marco raised an eyebrow, "and where is he going?"

"rehab," she answered simply.

Marco nearly drowned on his juice as Ellie told him. "Why is he going to rehab."

"Manny, Jesse, everyone was right," she muttered, "he's addicted to coke."

Marco fell into a chair at the table, "Craig? Our Craig?"

Ellie looked up and struggled to not roll her eyes at her best friend. "Yea, _our Craig_," she rolled her eyes this time.

"How?" Marco asked, "I mean, why didn't you come to me we could have gotten him help."

"I got him help Marco," Ellie said thinking about what she had to go through before she truly realized that he was in over his head.

"Yea, well you shouldn't have had to do it yourself," he mentioned, "I mean what if he'd been high and hurt you or something."

Ellie tugged at the sleeves on her shirt, "I could have handled him just fine, and I did."

"what do you mean, _you did_?" he asked, "did he hurt you or something?" Ellie shrugged, nodded, and shook her head in confusion. "Ellie…what happened?"

Ellie sighed, "nothing I couldn't handle," she lied.

"You're lying," he said simply.

"I'm not lying."

"you're lying," Marco said, "you're playing with your rubber band and you can't even look me in the eye." Marco watched as his friend sat nervously at the table, he'd known her for years, he knew her mannerisms, and he knew that she was far from telling the truth. Something had happened with her and Craig. "Ellie, please, tell me the truth."

Ellie sighed, "I invited Craig to group, and he bailed." She looked down at her plate and poked at her eggs with the fork, "and when I went to the show to confront him about it, he was totally high, and chose his drugs over me."

"Oh El…" Marco said comfortingly. He watched as she practically stabbed her eggs, "that's not all is it?" he asked.

Ellie wouldn't look at up at him, "he used me…" she dropped the fork, "used me…but it wasn't him," she insisted.

"No of course not," Marco thought about the many times Craig had been a great friend, he couldn't imagine the type of person he could be while on drugs. "Craig would never hurt anyone intentionally," Marco said taking her hands in his and comforting her.

"I know," she said weakly. "I really don't want to see him off," she muttered, "I really don't know if I want to see him ever again."

"Don't you think you're over reacting?" he asked.

Ellie looked up at him, "you think I'm over reacting?" she asked.

"He's your friend Ellie, one of your bests," Marco muttered, hoping he could get through to Ellie that people do some really horrible thing while under the influence of mind altering substances. "And you love him."

"I don't think I do anymore…" she said softly, "he really hurt me," she said closing her eyes to keep tears from falling.

"All I know," Marco began, "is that if you don't go and confront him about this…that you're going to feel horrible once he's gone."

Ellie sighed, she knew that the door wasn't completely closed, that she couldn't ignore what happened with her and Craig the night before. Craig hadn't been himself, but it didn't mean that it could be swept completely under the rug.

She stood up slowly, "Um…" she said looking around, "I'm gunna go grab my keys, you want to come?"

Marco stood slowly, "you should probably go alone." Marco wanted to see his friend off, but opted against it, "it's probably better that he doesn't know that more than just well you, know where he's going." Ellie pressed her lips together tightly and nodded as she quickly walked up the stairs to grab her keys off her dresser and quickly fixed her hair.

As she walked through the busy airport she found Mr. Simpson purchasing a ticket, and a sullen Craig sitting on an airport bench waiting for his ticket. He looked down at the ground thinking about his past few days. In the past seventy-two hours he'd inhaled several grams and as a result he lost himself a girlfriend, blown a tour, and completely destroyed a friendship. All for what? To snort a few lines? He tried to hang his head about as low as he felt.

When did he let something like cocaine get the best of him? He managed to snort a few lines in the bathroom before he stumbled to the bench, but the high wasn't hitting him. He sighed and assumed that maybe those few lines weren't doing anything for him anymore. It was his last gram any how. He'd be able to get more if he really wanted it. Did he really want it? He nodded to himself.

Ellie stepped in front of him and he looked up as he saw a pair of shoes. As he caught sight of her red and swollen eyes he immediately rushed to hug her, but she backed away and held him back with an drawn out hand. "Please, just don't" Ellie said.

"Ellie look," he said begging to explain, "about the other night, what happened, I…" She held herself as she watching him stumble over his words. "I didn't mean any of it…"

"You mean you don't love me, you just wanted to use me?" she asked.

"Of course I love you…I'd never use you Ellie," he said, hoping she could see through the slight buzz he was now getting.

"You're full of shit Craig, you know that?"

"Ellie…"

"No Craig…the other night I meant what I said, I do love you, but you don't love me, you never did,…at least not as anything more than a friend." Ellie sighed as she made her realization out loud. "But do you even feel sorry about what you did to me?"

Craig struggled to rack his mind for the things he did, and he made himself slightly sick as he struggled to stay straight despite the line he'd snorted. "Ellie…you know that wasn't me," he said, hoping she'd understand, "I'd never, **ever**, hurt you like that."

"**You** may not do something like that," she reasoned, "but what ever you were while you were high…that person, that part of you would."

He hung his head, "I'm sorry," he said.

"Yea, well…sorry really doesn't cut it this time," she argued, "you can say your sorry to Ashley and Manny all you want for all the shit you've put them through…but me? And what you did to me." She looked down at the ground, "you **raped** me," she said hoarsely and in a whisper.

"Ellie, I'd never force…"

"you keep saying that," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks, "but it doesn't change the fact that I said no, and you kept…" she couldn't even talk about it without memories rushing back to her.

"Ellie…"

"Look, I just came to say goodbye, and that I hope you get better," she turned to walk away, wiping tears out of her eyes, when Craig grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.

"Wait," he said gripping her wrist tightly.

Ellie stopped cold as she felt Craig's hand on her wrist. She froze instantly, as Craig tugged her back to him, "let go, please," she begged. She begged him just like the other night when he refused to back down from his intentions.

"just wait…here me out."

"please, **let go**," she insisted. Craig looked down at his grip on her and became sick at the sight of the bruises he'd left the last time he'd touched her like that. He instantly dropped her wrist and she turned around slowly.

"don't touch me, ever again," she said simply.

"Ellie, I can't change the way I was that night, but please, please just forgive me."

"I already forgave you the second I realized you were high as a kite," she said rolling her eyes, "I forgave you." She sighed, "But that doesn't change the fact that you hurt me, more than anyone in my life, more than Sean, more than my mother, more than my father leaving, you chose your precious drugs over someone you referred to as your best friend."

"And I'm sorry about that," he said.

"STOP, just stop saying your sorry," she said wiping her eyes, "I've been a wreck since it happened, I can barely stand having Jesse touch me, I can't tell Marco, because of you."

"I didn't mean…"

"I know," she said softly, "I know I know."

"Ellie did you…"

"yes," she said hoarsely, "I did, twenty-seven times, twenty-seven time for ever pain staking minute I spent with you trying to save you that night."

Craig sighed and on first instinct he tried to hug her but she pushed him away. And this time he didn't back away he kept trying to console her as she tried to push him away before she gave up and hugged him tightly. She sobbed into his chest. "I'm sorry," he said one final time.

Ellie pulled away and looked up at Craig, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, "I can't do this anymore," she said.

"El…sit and wait a little bit with me?" he asked. Ellie turned to look at him as she tried to walk away, "please?" he asked, making his trademark puppy-dog eyes and hoping that he'd be able to mend some of the hurt he'd caused.

"I don't know if I can," she said checking the time, she'd have to meet Jesse for a meeting soon, "I have somewhere to be."

"Just for a little bit, it's not like anyone else is coming," he said thinking about how many more people he would've let down if they'd known why he was leaving and where he was going. Ellie sat down on the bench next to Craig and his bag and guitar. "So…" Craig said rubbing his pant legs, "seen any good movies lately?" he asked. He looked over hoping she'd laugh or at the very least smile. He caught her smirk. "I take that as a no," he muttered.

"Seen any good bands lately?" she asked.

"Actually yea, a really cool introduced me to Taking Back Sunday," he mentioned, "I don't know if I thanked her for that yet."

"you're welcome," Ellie grumbled, trying not to smile.

"thanks…" he muttered, "I really messed up with them, I mean they were pretty disappointed that I'd do something like that." He referred to the in between sets where he performed and found his nose bleeding from some of the damage he was doing to his nasal cavities from snort lines of coke.

"We all do stupid things," she mentioned, "and you're fixing them…"

"Craig lets go, I have to get you through security," Mr. Simpson said was he handed Craig his ticket.

Craig stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder and picked up his bag, "thanks for seeing me off El," he said softly, and leaned in to kiss her cheek and hug her goodbye, but she backed away.

"bye Craig," she said softly.

He frowned as she shied away from his touch yet again, he'd really screwed up this time, and he felt how his father must of felt every time he tried apologize for a beating. That somehow the man his father was, wasn't necessarily himself, just as the person Craig was while he was high wasn't the same friend Ellie's been close to for the past two years. He watched as she walked off without a look back. He'd really done it this time, and the only thing left for him to do was to get clean.

* * *

**AN: **I guess my notes from the last chapter got cut off, but whatevskies, don't really care too much. Anyways, it's all done, hope you've enjoyed the little side project I've thrown myself into for the time being. I'm still working on Reprise's new chapter if anyone's wondering, I have a few tweeks to work out, expect it by Friday, though I haven't been feeling the greatest this week, so who knows... 


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